I reread my first entry to this blog and how it got it's name. I smiled with the thought that I had forgotten those days and yet, how immediately, I recalled those days and those walks. John and Daisy are both gone. I must figure out how to end this blog soon.
John's Memorial was last Friday in Saint Joseph Church on the St. Norbert College Campus in De Pere, Wisconsin. John's ties to that campus were strong, he attended high school and college there. The family lived nearby. The priest that celebrated Mass has known John and his family for all his adult life of 84 years. John's nephew gave an simple warm eulogy. The family, social friends, ex girl friends, sailing buddies, business associates, they all came to say the same thing about John. John was fun. Such a short word to describe someone but the one word -fun- was used the most. Let me add a couple more words.
My first personal conversation with John took place in my bookstore on Washington St. My brief second marriage to Ken McKenna has ended tragically with cancerous death of my husband after only a couple years of partnership. I was only 33 and grief stricken. It would be fair to say along with the Packer coach or the Mayor, John was well-known local person. I know John as an old friend of my husband's but he was no book buyer, to my knowledge. As he asked about a sailing book we walked to the back of my store. For a moment, I felt John was struggling to make small talk and then he said, "If you are ever in need of help, let me know, Ken was a friend of mine and I will help you". I smiled at his sweetness but assured John, I was fine. He then suggested that I always stock that book on sailing knots as he was going to send all his sailing friends in to buy copies.
John was fun, handsome and kind. He was known as a confirmed bachelor with perhaps too many lady friends and a son of an Irish mother that preferred him single. There were many Murphys in town but his branch were known as business founders for three generations and the rich ones- the poor Murphys always made note of that. As a later member of the Murphy clan, I would suggestion there was more of a middle ground between the clans, that a valley.
In August of 1979 at my rented cottage in Door County, John and I married in front on our immediate family with a judge presence. The most precious gift John ever gave me in our 35 years together was my engagement ring not because of the beauty or size of the diamond but for another reason. All during our dating, family and friends were concerned that my heart will be broken again because John was not the marrying kind. I recall many conversations with well meaning people I was wasting my time dating John Gallagher Murphy. That ring made a public statement to all, this lady friend of John's was different and 'he is giddy and in love' as someone described it last Friday.
I have always viewed us as two old souls reuniting.
Another characteristic of John's was loyalty. Within a couple years of settling into married life together a younger sister of mine became pregnant as a college student. Mary was very dear to me and John agreed that she should live with us during this time until she gave the baby up for adoption. It was still a time when proper society found it more convenient to board these family members in far off cities and speak in whispers about matters of this nature.
After long winter months, on a warm May week-end, the kids, Mary and John and I went to check on the sailboat in Door County. As we parked the car, John said, "Come let's see if the boat is tied up right and on eat our lunch on the boat." I asked him if he was sure that he wanted all of this crowd to know of our houseguest and we could go straight to the cottage. "Oh, there is no one on this dock or this village that is more important than Mary. Get out of the car." Loyalty was part of his nature and Mary was under the protective umbrella of John's that spring. I loved him so much more after than day.
As a student in high school, a nun told the story of St. Thomas Aquinas, the 13th century theologian. How Aquinas was canonized as saint but at the dining table there was a circle cut out for him to sit there because he was so fat. Maybe the sin of gluttony was also part of his personality. I always viewed that tale as hopeful because as we all go on the trail of sainthood we have our issues to work on. It was no secret that John enjoyed his drink. There were times maybe a little too much. On the long walk toward sainthood each of us has master some of virtues but have more to perfect.
Helen Keller said, 'What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us'. She also said, 'we don't learn the most from seeing or touching but from what we feel. We learn the most from our heart.'
How true that is, in my case.
John touched my heart.
