Life lessons to learn

My daughter often remarked to me during her August visit,  you must write that down.  The changes, the incidents and the surprising, the shocking moment  are daily but often they flow together and I lose the interest or lack the time to write.

Last night while sitting at the care givers support group meeting I listen to each in the room use the session to update all about their own lives and the person they were caring for in the household or visiting now in the nursing home.  There is a very common theme during the whole evening but once in a while something will be red hot words I hear.  Last night it was, "often they have no conscious knowledge or awareness of their bowels".  So that is it!

I have come to understand that John as no hungry or sense of fullness to his eating.  If it is placed in front of him, he will eat it.  Funny but the woman that took care of John while I was at this meeting relayed the story of John taking his fork to the serving bowl of the salad in the center of the table and began to eat away.  She of course, served him a portion and explained that it was for all three of them eating at her home last night. 

In the same vain, John is always shocked and mortified that his depends are soiled or full.  He can't understand it.  He even angry in the sense that it happened to him.  Yet, he has no understanding how to prevent it from happening in the future.  Or for that matter, making the situation end more quickly. 

It was reenforced this morning at his total amazement at similar incident. 

The longer this care giving goes on in my life, I am convinced his disease is in my life to teach me a new level of patience.   There will come a time that either I hit the wall of the end or John passes over but until that time, it is a lesson in patience.

Yesterday I went to get an extra key made for the house to give to a caregiver.  John came with me to Lowe’s.   I am going to try to show the difficulty of doing the simplest task accompanied by John.

John is very slow while walking so he stops along the main aisle of the store and chats.  I was 20 feet in front of him and had to turn around and gather him closer as the confused faces told me that they did not understand his casual conversation.  I also realized, now, I am third in line at the counter.  Instantly, I knew I should have used a cart for John to lean on as this was going to be a few minutes standing here in line.

Now a minute passed and John said he needs to go to the bathroom.  I have heard that at every store within the first five minutes of shopping in the last year.  I now say, "we will be home soon".  It quiets that thought and John goes on to other phases like 'how long will this take' or 'what are we doing here'  or 'when can we go'. 

Finally the key is made and I head toward the checkout but not quickly or John will be talking to a mother of some children he spotted.  Quickly, I pay in cash and that shortens the conversation at the checkout.

I hold his hand walking toward the car or I would leave him in possible traffic. He approaches the car and open the back door instead of the front passage side.  Once settled in to the front, we work on the seat belt  and opening the window.  Great, we can go home.

Three blocks away, John decides to open his car door!  "What are you doing?" He closes it.  I take my eye off the road to check out this situation, I am entering a roundabout, I brake a truck that I should have seen!   I take a couple deep breathes and tell myself to remember not to do anything again with John along.